Trail-ing thoughts!

While walking on the trail, I saw many faces around me in a different light today. Although all I could manage to see was their small, protruding eyes and a forehead, I was no less elated. It has become somewhat “sought after” these days. I am not sure whether I am the only person exuberant with similar feelings or there are plenty. Whatever it is, I am confident that the quarantine has taught me many lessons. Productive lessons. 

For instance, I had been a very self immersed person and would never long for a company as much. But these times have made me too vulnerable to live all by myself. I have mixed emotions about who I am and how I have been. Sounds like a path to self-discovery but it is more of self-criticism in reality. This could be interesting, to begin with, but treacherous in a while and all I look forward to is some good company. A company that can help alleviate emotional challenges. I was reading a book a few days ago and came across these lines. I quote “ Life is short and you must live it fully and freely because repentance has no room.” I think that if all of us believe in similar beliefs, life would seem prettier because, in the end, it doesn’t even matter. Right. Sorry, I had heard this track sometime back and it came instantaneously. Jokes apart, I do look forward to the mask-less days where I can manage to see not only the squinted eyes but also the squinted faces, so to speak.

 

Contrarily, some researchers believe that quarantine has had a negative impact on social well-being. We have stayed out of touch with people and this has furthered the gap among individuals so much so that they tend to have strong reactions while meeting one another but hope is a strong notion and we might as well play along. They call it “ fight or flight” responses. It sounded cute which is why I added it to my paragraph. Not trying to flaunt my knowledge. Yeah! In the past, we have been hopeful and our hope has shown great promise. Hasn’t it?

Coming back to where I started, I felt happy at the sight of humans and many humans and groups of humans. I sound like an alien talking about some kinda species that have popped up recently. Thanks to Covid, I have started to sound like a south Delhi aunt talking about the rest of the world in the most condescending manner. Something like, “Darling merra vacation me koi vishwas naai, merra life hi vacation haai” types.  But on my return, I had this weird headache that got severe. I suspect this was my brain's reaction to the newness; the newness of looking at humans or is it my anxiety? Oh good Lord, emotions at loggerheads with each other? The headache died down after a while and seemed to normalize. But the question still remains. To believe or not to believe. “ Kare to kya karen, kahe toh kya kahen”? Can’t say, Waah Modiji, Waah, na! Meanwhile, I have been working very hard these days; hard to wake up on time and have a good cup of tea and the trail continues. Seriously.

Thank you:)