Sanshipt Katha

Purnea, a city of dreams for the little munchkins trying to find their feet and do something big in their lives. No, I am kidding. Not that people are not ambitious or smart but the town is relatively small with limited options. Purnea is a small town where there are not many schools worth sending your kids to and whatever the city has requires you to bring in a lot of patience and perseverance for an admit to your child, same as any other good schools in bigger towns and cities. Seats are limited and applications galore. Born and brought up in Purnea, my parents had to play along those lines that ultimately landed me in the most prestigious school of the town, Ursuline Convent. It was indeed prestigious and course-driven. I would say that I found myself lucky to be a part of the school but didn’t enjoy it thoroughly because of the school’s extreme disciplinarian values and construct coupled with an extremely difficult curriculum. I call it difficult for two reasons. One, I did my pre-schooling and KG in some other school that was not comparable either in terms of faculty or the peer group. Wait, I don’t think there was any problem with my cute little friends. They were awesome! The only problem is that I don’t remember their names now.  Anyway, let’s move on. Second, I was not a very bright student. Period. 

I  admit that no matter how hard my parents wanted me to study and make a good career for myself, I was determined to go against the rules, or at the very least I felt so. Perhaps I am too critical of myself. I think I was lonely because even though I had an elder sibling, who was in a boarding school when I was 7 or 8 and who was almost 5 years older than I, I didn’t really get to bond with anyone on that level. I needed a push that I lacked. I was above average but I had the potential to do way better which I had not realized till then. I could only hear so from teachers and parents alike. Times passed, I moved to a different school because my previous school had a curriculum offered only for limited grades. My new venture began when I moved to DAV Public School. The curriculum was good and so was the faculty. Days passed and I got used to the teaching style which was distinctive here owing to its Vedic culture and traditions striking a sharp contrast to the convent/missionary culture I had come from. I became more serious but even more aloof. But wait, something strange happened. I started taking even more interest in my studies and worked towards it. I became more competitive and compelled to study. This was seconded by my grades. I began ranking in the top three in my class which had never happened earlier. The closest I had gotten in my previous school was the 12th position! Sigh!

Parallelly, I was taking music lessons. The story behind my music lessons is rather interesting. My family has been into music and extra-curricular activities in particular. To give you a perspective, when my father was in a boarding school, he not only was a meritorious student but also was great at playing instruments. He can play ten or more instruments with dexterity! It ranges from Sitar, Guitar, Tabla to Harmonium, Benzo, Flute, and so on. I have always lived in awe of my father and sometimes demoralized too to not have matched even half the number to start with. Long story short, both my parents thought I had at least one thing which I could harp on. My awaaz. Vocals. I was good at singing and my sister at dancing. So, my mother had enrolled my sister in Kathak classes at a very early age and I was taken to a Guruji when I was only 6. Well, that was too young for that time and even for now if I may say so. My mother says I did very well in the small test I had to take. I hardly remember anything from that episode though. All I was supposed to do was to sing Sa Re Ga Ma. I had the “Sur” needed to perform the octave but I was sent home saying I was too young to start. I could wait for a couple of years and return”. By the time I returned, Guruji had left for the heavenly abode! Anyway, when I was 8, I started taking music lessons at home. I must say that I was a ‘fakibaaz” but God gifted at the same time. I sang quite well for myself. I did that till I was 16. You might be wondering what happened to me after that. Well, I had my board examinations then and had also planned for another venture into a different region for studies. These may sound like mere excuses but at that point, it wasn’t. Anyway, my future planning studies did not pan out the way I had thought but little did I know then. During these 8 years, I enjoyed music thoroughly. Participated in several contests in my town, won a few prizes as well. I was indeed appreciated for my singing and I enjoyed my so-called era of music quite too much which came to an end with my 10th board.

So, while I was in DAV Public School, I cleared all my grades/ classes with good scores and rankings. When I reminisce about those times I feel happy but also find myself quite weird! I will tell you why in a while! When I was in 10th grade, I happened to like Maths and Science and English and worked really hard to get the perfect score possible. The race was long because of the admission process that was heavily dependent on the marks students scored and the cut-offs cleared. It was not easy but I liked taking on challenges. You know Garam Khoon and all that! I also had the confidence that I would score well and make it big. Well, I ended up scoring not so big and not too great. Good enough to get into someplace outside but not enough to get through to one of the top schools in India. That really bugged me. I had no idea how this whole thing would work towards making my future that at that point in time felt miserable and bleak or I thought so.

Talking about my school days, I was a nerd and weirdo. Both mean the same thing but being a superlative degree of both meant I was indescribable. I can prove so. Let me give you at least three reasons to buttress my thoughts. One, I didn't know the names of all my classmates till I was in 9th grade. Did you think that I was so engrossed with my studies that I was left with no time for these things? Wrong! Second, I was too shy because my parents had that kind of upbringing, an upbringing that was conservative and dominating. Wrong. I was brought up in an environment where I had the liberty to choose and like or dislike whatever I wanted. Honestly, I was the youngest in my family and too pampered. I am confident that the reason for my shyness could be this. And third, I never had any conversation, which was not necessary, with anybody in my class! I think you would be convinced by now that I, indeed, was strangely weird. But I think I enjoyed my school days to the fullest or at least I would like to believe so.

With my 10th board results not alluring enough to get me through to some good place I decided to stay back and complete my high school education. I should tell you that I enjoyed these two years more than I had had in my past twelve years of school life. I can tell you that high school was fun but not so because I was in my late teens and was on some voyage but I had stopped brooding over my future and studies in particular. Now don’t get alarmed when I say so. I was not in a self-destructive mode or something but I had had this feeling that probably made me believe that hard work didn’t pay or pay enough. All one needed was smart work and that I lacked thoroughly. This was my very understanding when I was no more than 17-18 years old and hardly matured to deep dive.

I had a good time with my friends during tuition classes and lectures and kind of liked everything around. Let me tell you that I studied two and a half months straight and scored no worse than my 10th grades for which I had more or less, what they say, burnt the midnight oil. Believe it or not, I became more resolute about my ideas and decided to follow the suit. Scored well to clear the cut-off of one of the top colleges in India which led me to a new city and my third leap of education began; it was a bigger but not a better city. I had not seen Delhi before and I could sense the plethora of opportunities I would come across during my stay there. It was a eureka moment for me in many ways. But I missed my hometown dearly and more so my parents. I had never imagined staying away from them would be so difficult. I would always tell them about this time when I would be free with no obligations whatsoever. But I missed them and their daily doses of love and care which I had hardly given cognizance to. The first few months were torturous. This was the reason why the city didn’t seem better to me. The food I ate seemed horrible; the place I slept looked alien and the people I came across seemed difficult. That became overbearing for the next few months. Had several rounds of counseling with my parents but even after three-four months of conversations, they bore no result. As such, my parents decided to bring me home. I was startled to find that they had really given up on me. I realized growing weak was no solution and would only bring disappointment to my family and myself. I decided to stay back and the rest is history!

I left home almost 40 years back but that feeling of nostalgia keeps visiting. I can’t say if it can ever completely disappear but there have been changes in my approach heavily guided by my career choices, marriage, and life in general.

Delhi was a city of making my dreams come true. I made one of the most beloved friends I have to date in this city. I cherish those moments so deeply that even after so many years little do I remember anything (apart from education) but enjoying masala chai, dahi bhalle, midnight dance in the hostel, sleepovers, and whatnot with friends or a “friend”. It was magical! There are certain things in life that don't leave you ever. One of them is true friendship. Status Update- As of today, both of us are busy with our lives, separated by thousands of kilometers but the spirit and youth in us refuse to die.

I was a science student and given the liberty, I would say that it was not by choice but by design. In India and especially in smaller cities and towns, parents do want their children to excel in education and make good for themselves. They have a strong tendency to push their children towards engineering or medicine. That is how the design comes into play. However, the trend has slightly changed and people have started giving them some liberty such as taking commerce and pursuing Chartered accountancy, taking arts and pursuing economics major, and so on. But the options haven’t been too many for these kids. After all, parents want the best for their kids, and why not. Who can question them? :/ :)

So I took science as my undergraduate because frankly speaking, I had no idea about engineering. I would say I was quite aimless at that point in time. I had managed to score well till then but making the right choices or finding a mentor or getting coached or streamlining myself wasn’t me. It seems to me as if I was not wary of them or they were not wary of me! God knows! However, I did well for the next three years. Again scored really well for me but also learned to enjoy my life inwards, outwards, and upwards. I saw life in different shades. It had different colors. It once seemed beautiful! After completing my undergraduate, I packed my bags and left for Mumbai however the planning for this shift had been in the making for a couple of years now.

Mumbai is a city of dreams and highly spirited. You might wonder how and why the people are so much in love with the place. I can sum it up in a line-The proof of the pudding is in the eating! So go for it guys. In Mumbai, my 2-year long study became a 37-year long stay and I didn’t even realize it. I started working, changed jobs, moved houses, made new friends and the list continues. Well, Mumbai seemed more fun to me; fun traveling in the Mumbai local, eating vada pav, reveling in Colaba and Bandra, visiting the temples, and hanging out with friends. I have to say that I am very reserved when it comes to befriending people. It is not my arrogance that some might think but my comfort level with people. Frankly speaking, I have been both choosy and shy at the same time. All said and done, I have been very self-assured and that has helped. And rest appears cool.

So when I was in Delhi, in my 1st year, I came across this fancy coaching centre-Time. Too hyped and too expensive. I had known about it a little but not much. I decided to google it and found that if I aimed for an MBA I should think about taking classes for quantitative and verbal courses at Time, it being one of the many good institutes in India for CAT preparation. Now I am not going to elaborate on what CAT is as most of us know already and can very well share the pain. So since I was really convinced that I wanted to join Time, I informed my parents, took their advice, and decided to go ahead with enrollment. It was an expensive affair but I was motivated. Preparations began and after having studied for almost 1.5 years, I took the test. Honestly, the entire 3-hour stint was thoroughly painful and I kept cursing myself for having thought about this as my career plan. As destined and you might have figured out, it didn’t go well. But somehow I cleared the cut-off to get through one of the b-schools in Mumbai. My family had second thoughts about it and they wanted me to give the test another chance. 

The next few weeks passed and I landed myself in Mumbai which means I did not take their advice. I don’t think I made a wrong decision but I am not sure if I was right either.

Time has passed and life has seemed to be on track and balanced. I have become more confident and self-driven; tried new ventures; many have been failures but a few successes too. I have chosen to celebrate those successes. In fact, a person needs just a few successes to celebrate. It is a matter of time and a bit of luck. Once I achieve what I have set myself for, I win! I win emotionally. Those small failures fade away. Those small mistakes die down. Those small hiccups can be gulped. I have realized that if I try staying positive and happy, I end up happy amidst all miseries. Strange enough. I can become a new me but only if I wish to. I can be the winner only if it matters to me so much. I can choose myself only if I decide. Do I sound too engrossed? Can you not bear with my idiosyncrasies or save me from them? Lemme know soon! The clock is ticking.

Thank you :)