Hello, Conscience talking?

Who do you call a male chauvinist? A short-sighted, self-proclaimed intellectual or an ignorant person of questionable character? Penning down these ideas doesn’t mean anything more than a sheer definition. Nor does it vehemently oppose the mindset. It brings forth a familiar idea into your ephemeral and cognitive little brains that have been existent for hundreds of years. Little have you invested in making it any better no matter what. You are proud of your patriarchy. You envision life in solitude and commit to passing on the baton for ages with no agony. Makes sense?

Let me give you a clearer picture. Male chauvinists are not the green-eyed, hateful outsiders with enmity towards women fraternity; they are not the nincompoops waiting for the long haul; they are not the uneducated, wasteful, idle lots waiting for society to guide them through. He could be anyone amongst you. He could be your father, brother, nephew, uncle, son, boyfriend, or husband (relation in any form honestly!). But you wonder why am I saying so? Don’t you? You are wary of it and you fight for it on its face. Right? You are the liberated woman or man or youth in general. You strive to bring about change in the society; a balance to maintain the delicate equilibrium. But how long have you been in this endeavor and how feasible do you see to find the light of the day?

The problem or the dilemma that you have at this moment has been caused by your own imperfections and inefficacies. This is great because neither of you has developed the wavelength to gauge what constitutes- male chauvinism, its form. Like I said before, you will never get to see the real, dirty world with an ornate piece of lenses. I do not mean to ask you to pull up your socks or roll up your sleeves because the task needs you to get your hands dirty but I do mean to suggest that you put on a piece of clearer lenses, which shows black and white as they are. I do not intend to make you complicate your personal relationships but give you the authority and power to make the right choices. Once you have made those choices, you have conquered the battle to start with. 

I want to explain this through an analogy. When a mother gives birth to a baby, the first thought that she encounters is her baby’s health and well-being. The baby slowly grows and the mother wears different hats- hats of a mother, a teacher, a friend, adviser, and whatnot. But if the child errs somewhere in his/her journey, the mother takes cognizance of the situation and tries to help it if not rectified. She does not leave the child unattended. 

So is your job. Mind you, don’t overestimate the immature minds of the chauvinists. There is nothing more apt to compare them as with the analogy. You need to feed into the minds of your near and dear ones at the very inception. Failure is always a possibility but at the very least you have tried and might not face a dead-end if nothing positive. Does that sound convincing? Not enough, right! The reason why you wonder what the best method is to alleviate this problem or rather “situation” for good is unknown or discreet? You face chauvinism on the face of it but do little to call out for fear of societal pressure. You end up writing on social media platforms, venting out frustrations and dismissals received for centuries, but the question still remains as fresh as a lily in your mind- What is the root cause of it, and are you yourself to be blamed? I wonder.

I visualize you as a young girl playing with toys along with your brother. What is the one thing that comes to your mind when you think of the toys? Simple. Girls play with dolls while boys with cars and let me tell you that there is no problem from outside but intrinsically is. And the situation has changed little if not zilch over the past 50-60 years. I understand there are exceptions but, well, they are “exceptions”.  A few might interject stating them as their “choice” but the reality is that if your choices are sexist in nature, why complain about male chauvinism in the first place? Why exactly 20 years later, you would become enlightened, informed, and intellectual when you have dismissed my thoughts today?

I look at you burning the midnight oil trying every bit to excel in your trials and tribulations. I find you work alongside your mother during the day fulfilling daily chores while running the second marathon toying hard enough to make it somewhere if not everywhere. I see your progress and endeavor to break a leg. Days later I find you choose your brother’s career over you. I wonder if you alone were the decision-maker but you chose not to fight or you fought not enough or your fight saw no light of the day. You struggled but, somehow, lost!

I find you engaged and deeply engrossed at work. You sense respite not only because you are financially independent but emotionally sound. Over the years, you master the art of managing your personal life along with your professional life so much so that life appears hunky-dory. But you suddenly realize you are nothing but a butt of jokes for some imbecile colleagues for reasons known best to them. You feel vulnerable and clueless and possibly give up or get subdued. Simple. 

Woman, I look at your marriage and find you in bliss. I pray for your well-being and desire to know that you're emotionally sound but I find you feigning and I am perturbed. Not only because you seek help but also because your conditioning has played its trick no matter how hard you tried. I want to empathize with you immensely but decide against it because you somewhere, at some point chose this life and you have earned it. Earned your sorrows over happiness, weaknesses over strengths, and wrong over right all in your lifetime. Celebrate them!

Am I trying to call out because I want to instigate you? Most certainly, yes. I want you to realize that no matter how hard you try to condemn your situation or your people, it’s you who can change the scenario, let alone overcome it. 

Women, since ages, you are known to have shown empathy, gratitude, love, affection, dedication, care, and what not to your people. Not to mention how supportive and understanding you have been throughout your journey. We say, behind every man, there is a woman. But I strongly intend to believe otherwise someday. 

 Now I want to say what I have dreaded for far too long. If women have been known for kindliness, they have been known for giving back too. They have been epitomes of love and care but they have also been known for fury and rage. I do not intend to cause a ruckus in the functioning of a fair society but the society needs a shout-out as a token of appreciation or a call-out for its deterioration as the situation demands.

When you choose to play with toys, whatever you decide, it must be your decision. A doll or a car doesn’t matter. What matters is your inherent belief.

When you have worked hard for something, you must strive equally hard to bring it to a conclusion. Fight back again and again because compromise may never help.

When you observe niceties around you, it is your duty to bring them to everyone’s notice as is your duty to point out the flaws when observed. For instance, when a company lays out strict policies against sexual harassment at the workplace, applaud

it, celebrate it and voice it. It will not only help gain your confidence but deter lowly minds too. It will not only encourage your company but many others to follow suit; sometimes out of goodness but most of the time out of underlying factors such as compulsion.

When you encounter disharmony, hatred, or discomfort in any form in your marriage, the onus to speak up lies on you. It is imperative to have conversations and negotiations but once they cease to work, move on to the next lest you succumb to your miseries; emotional or physical miseries.

These issues might seem petty and dismissive but they build up to form a gigantic mountain of problems pointing against women. When I say male chauvinism is dangerous, I do not want you to start fighting obnoxiously in the name of feminism. Because feminism does not mean letting the other gender down. It means equality in thoughts and views and opportunities and I strongly believe in you that your resistance will definitely bring around a balanced, happier society. But who am I? 

Am I your conscience? You decide!